“In my work with parents I have found that yelling actually does not help us deal with our pain – it’s a cover-up. When we do control our impulse to yell or punish, and respond compassionately, we sometimes are fortunate to feel the pain and even cry.” – Naomi Aldort

When The Minutes Feel Like Days

Originally posted on December 3, 2012 There is an interesting phenomenon when we are in the middle of stressful situations or we are being intensely triggered by something:  time crawls. Not only does time crawl, but our need to react or engage is off the charts.  Every minute feels like hours, and we have a massive craving to do something.  We need to do it, and the longer we wait (during these dragging minutes) the bigger the craving. *record scratch* […]


Honoring the Change

Originally posted July 21, 2012 On Friday I was camped in a coffee shop for awhile.  This is what was stirring in my head: Yesterday I had the privilege of soaking up two dear friends for hours.  They are the kind of friends who understand my kids, love me (even the parts they don’t understand) and we can be painfully honest about life and how much it can sometimes utterly suck. As always, our conversation turned to adoption.  As always, […]


You Can’t Lose Christmas, Ralphie

This is one of my most popular blog posts. It was written in 2011, but it’s timeless. Year after year after year …   You Can’t Lost Christmas, Ralphie! We have a law in our home. It applies to all persons, regardless of their history of trauma and endless list of survival behaviors. It was created by dictators with no democratic hope for change or removal. It goes a little something like this: You can’t lose Christmas. That’s it. No […]



“Children desperately want to be understood, so if you just keep listening, they’ll keep trying to make clear to you what they are feeling.” – John Gottman

Self-Care, Dammit!

Originally posted June 1, 2012 I know I bark about loving yourself and taking care of yourself.  Yet, I’m personally making it my mission to get a new approach trending.  The following showed up on my Facebook wall this week: BEAUTIFUL!  Just so stinkin’ beautiful. I still struggle with taking care of my own person.  My religious upbringing told me I was to “take up my cross” daily and sacrifice, sacrifice, sacrifice.  Amazing how that was drilled into me much […]

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You Weren’t Born With That

Originally posted April 11, 2012 – not specifically about parenting, but definitely addresses our fears which can have a radical affect on how we respond to situations   We are only born with two fears. Only two of them have actually been embedded in our DNA. They are there for survival. The fear of falling. The fear of loud noises. Every other fear you have has been learned. Gonna’ say it one more time. Every other fear you have has […]



Originally posted December 2011 Every December my family spends an evening eating out together and then each person chooses a new Christmas ornament for our tree. It’s something we have done for years. Each ornament is marked with the person’s name and the year. We have also marked every other ornament on the tree with the person who gave it to us and the year it was received. Our Christmas tree is full of people and memories. Pulling them out […]


When The Crap Hits the Crap-Covered Fan

Originally posted November 2, 2012   Yeah, that’s my Halloween costume. Mostly. I have found myself, lately, facing several difficult things coming from of couple of different directions.  It’s what many of us like to call:  life.  I have also noticed how these perfect storms can trigger my depression.  I start to move less.  I feel sullen.  I find myself using words like “sullen.”  I start over-using the “flexitarian” in “vegan freegan flexitarian.”  Especially when it involves cookies.  And Dr. […]


I Am Not A Raisin!

Originally posted October 22, 2012   For those of you who are muddling through some tough days, remember that there are seasons.  You have survived others.  You will survive this one.  You are doing such a great job!  You will thrive.  I will thrive.  We will thrive.  Peace, love and Happy Monday!   “I know we’ll be just fine when we learn to love the ride.” – Tim deLaughter “You have to love the hell that you’re in before you […]